Kenan Thompson's tale would make Proust blush at it's length and scope, but I'll try to streamline it for you here:
Heavyweights - Roy
We meet Roy while on a bus en route to Camp Hope, a weight loss facility for teenagers. Gerry, the protagonist, and Roy hit it off and quickly become friends in what will become a life-defining summer for all involved. It should be noted that Gerry mishears Roy's name, which is actually Russ (discussed further below), and, like most kids, Roy doesn't want to correct his newfound friend so he just lives with the name for the summer (after all, you'll never see these kids again).
Shortly after arriving at Camp, it is revealed that the loveable Bushkins have sold the property to fitness entrepreneur Tony Perkis (never let anyone sign your checks!). The transition to the reign of Perkis becomes fraught with tension, anger, and borderline psychotics as the teens struggle to wrest control of the camp away from Perkis. During the course of the summer, Roy and his fellow bunkmates, including fellow future Mighty Duck Goldberg (to be discuss further down below), learn to believe in themselves and be happy with who they are, while simultaneously imprisoning Perkis and running the Camp how they'd like to.
After Camp Hope defeats Camp MVP in the Apache Relay, Roy returns home to Southern California and reclaims his actual name...Russ Tyler.
D2: The Mighty Ducks - Russ Tyler
D3: The Mighty Ducks - Russ Tyler
Russ continues to build his confidence and joins up with other local youth in a short-lived movement to adopt the sport of street hockey, where he becomes a somewhat local legend thanks to his signature shot...the Knuckle-puck.
Not long after, The Junior Goodwill Games kicks off in Los Angeles, Russ's home town. Team USA, led by Coach Gordon Bombay [1], is the presumptive favorite. But after an embarassing 12-1 loss to Team Iceland (a hockey powerhouse unbeknownst to most of the world), the Team USA players embark on a short journey of self-reflection, ending in a scrimmage against the aforementioned "local youth" in a game of street hockey. It is during this time that Russ Tyler is discovered and added to the roster (that must be against some kind of Goodwill Games rules). Thereafter, Russ distinguishes himself by scoring the winning goal against Team Russia to advance to the finals in a much-anticipated rematch with Team Iceland. During the championship, Russ disguises himself as Goldberg [2] in order to score a critical goal, eventually leading to Team USA's victory [3].
The following school year, the Ducks, along with their new teammate, Russ, are invited to attend Eden Hall Academy. Overall the Ducks freshman year goes relatively well but the fight over their scholarships with the Board of Trustees along with the untimely death of Russ's brother, James, leads Russ to return home, to Los Angeles, that summer.
Good Burger - Dexter Reed [4]
Love Don't Cost a Thing - Walter
As noted above but expounded upon here, Russ's brother James fell victim to the violence that plagued the street hockey youth movement in Los Angeles and was slain by an errant attempted knuckle-puck (nobody could every shoot it like Russ). To avoid the ongoing street hockey violence and get into a better school district, Russ moves across town to live with his cousins, The Reeds. He also adopts his middle name, Dexter, as a way to try and forget the loss of his brother (dark, I know).
His sophomore year goes relatively well as Dexter blossoms into a full-fledged student and befriends Alvin Johnson, albeit under his original birthname, Walter (Russ was a nickname, what young kids goes by Walter?). However, Alvin's attempt to date Paris Morgan, the school's most popular girl, strains their relationship but results in Dexter becoming more popular and sought after.
Dexter's junior year becomes his "cool kid" phase as he takes advantage of being old enough to drive. On the last day of his junior year, Dexter crashes his mother's car into Mr. Wheat's Infiniti (discussed at length, see Note 4 for link). In order to pay for the repairs to his mother's and Mr. Wheat's cars, he takes a summer job at the local fast food restaurant, Good Burger. Hi-jinks ensue, Mondo Burger is defeated, and Dexter is able to pay back Mr. Wheat and make the repairs to his mother's car. But Dexter's school, upon learning of the accident which occurred just off school property, expels him as a result of his disregard for safety and rules.
Barbershop 2 - Kenard
After his expulsion, Dexter relocated to Chicago to try and pull his life back together. He entered a local barber school, taking up the name Kenard on his application so as to avoid questions about his prior expulsion from school, and took a position at the barbershop of his cousin, Calvin Palmer. It did not go well.
After losing his job at the barbershop, Kenard moves back to LA.
Snakes on a Plane - Troy
Shortly after arriving, Kenard reconnects with an old friend of his from his street-hockey playing days, Clarence Dewey. Clarence, no known by the name Three G is a famous rapper/producer. After their re-introduction, Three G asks Kenard to become part of his "crew" as a bodyguard with one condition: Three G once knew a Kenard and refuses to have another on his crew. He asks that Kenard go by Troy instead.
Now a fixture of Three G's crew, they all journey to Hawaii. On their return trip aboard a South Pacific Airlines [5] flight, a crate of venomous snakes are released. Three G, Troy and company are barely able to survive; Troy ultimately saves the day by being able to land the plane himself.
Now safely on the ground, Troy is given a much needed vacation after his harrowing journey. He opts to visit his curmudgeon alcoholic uncle.
The Magic of Belle Isle - Henry
Given Troy's uncle's propensity to drink, it's no wonder Monte Wildhorn forgets Troy's name and decides to call him Henry; he ends up doing the same thing with Troy's dog Ringo.
After a brief encounter with his uncle, Henry arranges for Monte to stay at a house belonging to his prior Chicago family on Belle Isle. With his vacation over and not wanting to re-live the terrifying experience of venomous snakes, Henry straightens himself out and is able to begin working some white-collar jobs.
My Boss's Daughter - Hans
During one of Henry's jobs, he earned a nickname, Hans, and began dating Lisa Taylor. Eventually, Hans cannot remain faithful to Lisa and is usurped by Tom Stansfield [6].
Best Quote Nominations
"Don't put twinkies on your pizza." Spoken by Roy after the successful Coup d'etat at Camp Hope. Truer words have never been spoken.
"That's my knuckle-puck. It's hard to be accurate, but it drives goalies crazy." Spoken by Russ. It also drives coaches crazy as they'll have to spend years training that generation of young hockey players to abstain from attempting it.
"Check it, Ed, its the Mondo Idiot!" Sick burn by Dexter about their Mondo Burger nemsis Kurt, or was it Aware?
Stray Notes & Observations
[1] Briefly discussed in the Lane Smith Thread.
[2] Russ and Goldberg don't recognize each other from their earlier time at Camp Hope primarily due to the fact that Goldberg spent a fair amount of the summer away from Camp Hope after showing disrespect towards Tony Perkis. In an effort to shield his unfounded embarrassment from his Mighty Duck teammates, Goldberg used a pseudonym (Josh Burnbalm) during his time at Camp Hope. Also, who remembers the kids you went to camp with?
[3] I'll note that this victory was in spite of Coach Bombay's inept management, something that would need a longer post to cover but the most egregious example was pulling your starting goalie for a cold Julie The Cat.
[4] It should be noted that this is the MCU's first Simulcast (as we'll call them), which should be fairly self-explanatory (the entries occur simultaneously). Additionally, this is the MCU's first CrossThread as this entries character and Mr. Wheat cross paths.
[5] A future installment will in the MCU will detail all of the fictional airlines and rank them according to their service.
[6] I honestly never saw this so can't contribute much to it, ha.
Heavyweights - Roy
We meet Roy while on a bus en route to Camp Hope, a weight loss facility for teenagers. Gerry, the protagonist, and Roy hit it off and quickly become friends in what will become a life-defining summer for all involved. It should be noted that Gerry mishears Roy's name, which is actually Russ (discussed further below), and, like most kids, Roy doesn't want to correct his newfound friend so he just lives with the name for the summer (after all, you'll never see these kids again).
 |
| Roy is rocking that Fedora, well ahead of its time. |
Shortly after arriving at Camp, it is revealed that the loveable Bushkins have sold the property to fitness entrepreneur Tony Perkis (never let anyone sign your checks!). The transition to the reign of Perkis becomes fraught with tension, anger, and borderline psychotics as the teens struggle to wrest control of the camp away from Perkis. During the course of the summer, Roy and his fellow bunkmates, including fellow future Mighty Duck Goldberg (to be discuss further down below), learn to believe in themselves and be happy with who they are, while simultaneously imprisoning Perkis and running the Camp how they'd like to.
After Camp Hope defeats Camp MVP in the Apache Relay, Roy returns home to Southern California and reclaims his actual name...Russ Tyler.
D2: The Mighty Ducks - Russ Tyler
D3: The Mighty Ducks - Russ Tyler
Russ continues to build his confidence and joins up with other local youth in a short-lived movement to adopt the sport of street hockey, where he becomes a somewhat local legend thanks to his signature shot...the Knuckle-puck.
 |
| Shot form leaves something to be desired. |
Not long after, The Junior Goodwill Games kicks off in Los Angeles, Russ's home town. Team USA, led by Coach Gordon Bombay [1], is the presumptive favorite. But after an embarassing 12-1 loss to Team Iceland (a hockey powerhouse unbeknownst to most of the world), the Team USA players embark on a short journey of self-reflection, ending in a scrimmage against the aforementioned "local youth" in a game of street hockey. It is during this time that Russ Tyler is discovered and added to the roster (that must be against some kind of Goodwill Games rules). Thereafter, Russ distinguishes himself by scoring the winning goal against Team Russia to advance to the finals in a much-anticipated rematch with Team Iceland. During the championship, Russ disguises himself as Goldberg [2] in order to score a critical goal, eventually leading to Team USA's victory [3].
The following school year, the Ducks, along with their new teammate, Russ, are invited to attend Eden Hall Academy. Overall the Ducks freshman year goes relatively well but the fight over their scholarships with the Board of Trustees along with the untimely death of Russ's brother, James, leads Russ to return home, to Los Angeles, that summer.
Good Burger - Dexter Reed [4]
Love Don't Cost a Thing - Walter
As noted above but expounded upon here, Russ's brother James fell victim to the violence that plagued the street hockey youth movement in Los Angeles and was slain by an errant attempted knuckle-puck (nobody could every shoot it like Russ). To avoid the ongoing street hockey violence and get into a better school district, Russ moves across town to live with his cousins, The Reeds. He also adopts his middle name, Dexter, as a way to try and forget the loss of his brother (dark, I know).
His sophomore year goes relatively well as Dexter blossoms into a full-fledged student and befriends Alvin Johnson, albeit under his original birthname, Walter (Russ was a nickname, what young kids goes by Walter?). However, Alvin's attempt to date Paris Morgan, the school's most popular girl, strains their relationship but results in Dexter becoming more popular and sought after.
Dexter's junior year becomes his "cool kid" phase as he takes advantage of being old enough to drive. On the last day of his junior year, Dexter crashes his mother's car into Mr. Wheat's Infiniti (discussed at length, see Note 4 for link). In order to pay for the repairs to his mother's and Mr. Wheat's cars, he takes a summer job at the local fast food restaurant, Good Burger. Hi-jinks ensue, Mondo Burger is defeated, and Dexter is able to pay back Mr. Wheat and make the repairs to his mother's car. But Dexter's school, upon learning of the accident which occurred just off school property, expels him as a result of his disregard for safety and rules.
 |
| Why indeed. |
Barbershop 2 - Kenard
After his expulsion, Dexter relocated to Chicago to try and pull his life back together. He entered a local barber school, taking up the name Kenard on his application so as to avoid questions about his prior expulsion from school, and took a position at the barbershop of his cousin, Calvin Palmer. It did not go well.
After losing his job at the barbershop, Kenard moves back to LA.
Snakes on a Plane - Troy
Shortly after arriving, Kenard reconnects with an old friend of his from his street-hockey playing days, Clarence Dewey. Clarence, no known by the name Three G is a famous rapper/producer. After their re-introduction, Three G asks Kenard to become part of his "crew" as a bodyguard with one condition: Three G once knew a Kenard and refuses to have another on his crew. He asks that Kenard go by Troy instead.
Now a fixture of Three G's crew, they all journey to Hawaii. On their return trip aboard a South Pacific Airlines [5] flight, a crate of venomous snakes are released. Three G, Troy and company are barely able to survive; Troy ultimately saves the day by being able to land the plane himself.
 |
| He landed that motherfuckin' plane. |
Now safely on the ground, Troy is given a much needed vacation after his harrowing journey. He opts to visit his curmudgeon alcoholic uncle.
The Magic of Belle Isle - Henry
Given Troy's uncle's propensity to drink, it's no wonder Monte Wildhorn forgets Troy's name and decides to call him Henry; he ends up doing the same thing with Troy's dog Ringo.
After a brief encounter with his uncle, Henry arranges for Monte to stay at a house belonging to his prior Chicago family on Belle Isle. With his vacation over and not wanting to re-live the terrifying experience of venomous snakes, Henry straightens himself out and is able to begin working some white-collar jobs.
My Boss's Daughter - Hans
During one of Henry's jobs, he earned a nickname, Hans, and began dating Lisa Taylor. Eventually, Hans cannot remain faithful to Lisa and is usurped by Tom Stansfield [6].
Best Quote Nominations
"Don't put twinkies on your pizza." Spoken by Roy after the successful Coup d'etat at Camp Hope. Truer words have never been spoken.
"That's my knuckle-puck. It's hard to be accurate, but it drives goalies crazy." Spoken by Russ. It also drives coaches crazy as they'll have to spend years training that generation of young hockey players to abstain from attempting it.
"Check it, Ed, its the Mondo Idiot!" Sick burn by Dexter about their Mondo Burger nemsis Kurt, or was it Aware?
Stray Notes & Observations
[1] Briefly discussed in the Lane Smith Thread.
[2] Russ and Goldberg don't recognize each other from their earlier time at Camp Hope primarily due to the fact that Goldberg spent a fair amount of the summer away from Camp Hope after showing disrespect towards Tony Perkis. In an effort to shield his unfounded embarrassment from his Mighty Duck teammates, Goldberg used a pseudonym (Josh Burnbalm) during his time at Camp Hope. Also, who remembers the kids you went to camp with?
[3] I'll note that this victory was in spite of Coach Bombay's inept management, something that would need a longer post to cover but the most egregious example was pulling your starting goalie for a cold Julie The Cat.
[4] It should be noted that this is the MCU's first Simulcast (as we'll call them), which should be fairly self-explanatory (the entries occur simultaneously). Additionally, this is the MCU's first CrossThread as this entries character and Mr. Wheat cross paths.
[5] A future installment will in the MCU will detail all of the fictional airlines and rank them according to their service.
[6] I honestly never saw this so can't contribute much to it, ha.
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